Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Simply Ask

do you ever say this?
a simple word...

i had the chance to ask for help today.
and not help with the dishes,
or help with the toys,
dog poop,
no. none of these.
i asked for help - help from a friend,
to do something i just couldn't do.

and i was apprehensive to ask.
i almost felt ashamed to ask.
that shame - she's a bitch.

just ask.
no. everyone is busy.
i'll be taking advantage.
who am i to ask for this help? sheesh.

just ask
no. i am smart. i can figure this out on my own.
wait. i can't. i'm such an idiot. so stupid.

just ask
no. what will it say about me?
i'm lazy. stupid. needy. incapable.

just ask
no. what if no one offers to help.
i don't really need help. it's not really important.
if i was worthy of this, i could do it myself.

just ask

so i asked.
and i received.
i am so thankful for the time my friend offered me. 
in thirty minutes time she did something for me that would have taken me hours to do 
for myself.
instead of struggling for hours,
losing patience,
removing myself from what i NEEDED to be doing,
and creating a stressful environment for everyone involved (ie - kids & husband.)
i. asked. for. help.

why is asking for help so difficult?
why is it easy for some,
and miserably hard for others.
is it a sign of strength,
or a scar of weakness?
is it engrained from our parents,
and reinforced by societal cues?
i don't have the answers.
but LIFE has given me excessive opportunities to practice
surprise pregnancy with twins - help.
four children under the age of 5 - help.
kid with anxiety - help.
homeschooling - help.
making friends soul sisters - help.
figuring out my shit so i don't hand it over to my kids - help.
defining my bliss, and reaching for it - help.
figuring out bloggy-computer mumbo-jumbo language - help.
asking for help -
whether it's rescheduling carpool, or
grabbing eggs at the grocery store, or
holding my hand during a stressful medical appointment, or
talking me off an emotional cliff.
asking for help = trusting vulnerability.
vulnerability = courageous {to some} / weakness  {to others}
for me - asking for help, acting and asking from a place of vulnerability,
is a sign of strength. period. hands down. 
you can't convince me otherwise.
yet, i still felt shameful today.
asking for help.
can you imagine a world in which ASKING for help was as valued as
imagine it, just for a minute...
the 'need' is met with neutrality.
the act of asking is celebrated.
Asking for what you need is hailed as:

the act of asking is as joyful as giving.
imagine that world.


Monday, October 28, 2013

Don't Get Your Tinsel in a Tangle

 November 1 is like four days away. say what? november? 
chances of snow...
migrating groups of people moving to & fro, 
over mountains - through woods...
fowl, and expensive cheese...
marshmallows on casseroles, passing as a vegetable side-dish...
however you celebrate, 
the holiday season is patiently waiting for the mass-confusion of halloween to end,
so that it may show up, 
clean house,
start a warm fire,
and settle in for the foreseeable future.  
i don't get real caught-up in the holiday drama. i can't. it would make my head explode.
i haven't seen the inside of a mall at holiday-time since i was pregnant with my first.
shopping isn't my thing. 
amazon is my thing. and the local specialty shop down the street.
but we don't stand in line for Santa.
we DO bake for our neighbors, 
and one afternoon in early December we pile everything into a basket 
and go house to house.
we don't travel any further than our family room on Christmas morning.
we've been known to take a spin through the neighborhood to see the holiday lights -
hot cocoa, blankets, carols on the radio, and 
the obligatory lecture about consumerism and electricity waste.
i love this time of year. 
it's magical.
with the twinkling lights.
the damp, cold nights. 
small trees in the kids' rooms.
i'm excited. 
 this year, our holiday season will start with a little 'behind the scenes' gift for me. 
starting next week, i'll be participating in the highly anticipated holiday e-lab, hosted by Amy over at mamascout.

 i've participated in a handful of Amy's courses, including A Book About Me. 
the A Book About Me course, in particular, was a turning point for me. 
picture this -
 a group of saged women,
deeply supportive, 
and connected.
all showing up to bear witness to one another, 
and our respective processes.
i've made friendships through this course that have taken me into places of my soul i never really knew were there. it's a good thing. a really good thing.  

the holiday e-lab promises to be another journey of connection. 
of opening up. bearing witness.
 reflecting on what is working, what isn't, and how we can EACH manifest the 
spirit, and
we desire for this particularly 'charged' time of year.

here's how Amy describes it...

What is this?  Daily emails and creative challenges, Facebook camaraderie, and support from me will help you set intentions for what you hope to create this holiday season. We will cover ways to prepare for the holidays, ideas for clearing space (mental and physical), simplifying gift giving, dealing with family struggles, honoring nature through solstice celebrations, ways to give back to your community and more.  The key is to think, write and communicate with others NOW so you can have the calm, restorative, creative season YOU want.

 to say i'd pretty much follow Amy into any course, any process, 
any experience she puts forth, 
is an understatement. 
i recently took her dream course. i went into that experience pretty aloof;
i just wanted to be among the caliber of women Amy draws with these courses. 
in true form, i walked away from that course a changed person, 
now better able to articulate and envision my dreams.
and to see a truth --  many of my dreams are manifesting and 
showing themselves in my life, as i write this.

 i hold close to heart the support and clarity Amy offers during her courses. 
i am a better mother, a better wife, and a better Self, 
simply by doing these interesting and thought-provoking courses.
and this holiday lab just looks fun!

Amy is only hosting her holiday e-lab once this year. and it starts on November 4.
i'll see you there.
and if you haven't ever visited the mamascout blog,
may i suggest you do so.
mama power!!
a good mama bringing out the good
in other mamas!


Sunday, October 27, 2013

The Good Life 10.27.2013

the good life is about being grateful
  being present in the little things
remembering to breathe
resting in the seat of joy

it's Fall!
leaves are turning. mornings are CRISP COLD!
we're nearing the turn from hours upon hours outside, 
to hours - upon hours - inside.
it's an adjustment for all of us, and one that i only just realized.
Fall - the season of transition.
the season before the dormant.
the season to reflect on the bounty,
and prepare for the barren.
i love this season. 
through the death of life, 
comes the beauty in life. 
mother nature is so damn smart.

these four
these are the people that fill my day,
my hours, 
my minutes...
my moments.
these four are the reason there is little time for writing.
no time for writing, 
but abundant time for 
through them, i will live the life of my dreams...
dreams that have little to do with money,
or profession,
or location, 
or recognition.

 this is me, dreaming
yeh, what if?
what if it all turns to shit?
what if all my fears come true?
what if the world is that dark, scary, irrational 
pit of doom most of media wants me to believe?
what if?
or..... or..... or..... or.....
what if it turns out beautifully?
what if my fears can be given some space - 
a breath,
a thank you,
a 'don't worry - i've got this...'
what if i just don't listen to the 'pit of doom' coverage?
am i naive?
am i irresponsible?
is my head in the sand?
i'll just be here...
giving some space to my worries,
and witnessing them 
as they blur
into simple flashes of color and thoughts,
 as i dream of a life...
a life i am living.

this is how we do it
forget the lists.
forget the formality.
forget the measurements.
remember the fun.
remember the creativity.
remember the learning.
the learning
that happens
when you 
just live. 

thank you, mother nature
found on an old tree
lining the road to the farm.
a rolling road
that always gets the kids giggling when their bellies
head into their throats. 
most days i drive a little fast
on this back country road.
until now.
until we saw this.
this lichen.
it's magnificent.
as big as dinner plate, if not bigger.
amazing how it can be so strong,
yet so far out from the tree.
this lichen,
just reaching.
growing outward.
this is how i feel some days.
just reaching.
growing outward.
a solid connection to a grounded life,
but reaching just beyond...
 i love this lichen.

the small, in the big
someone recently reframed my thinking.
when things feel HUGE, find respite in the small.
when you are weighed down by the small,
find respite in the big.
the yin & yang of life.
i love seeing this in my day.
he may not be reading,
but he just offered his sister his love, and his hand.
she may still panic,
but she just told me exactly what i can do to ease her worries.
life goes fast.
life plays fierce - all for keeps!
some days you have to focus on that one small spot,
to regain your balance.
other days,
you simply have to throw yourself off that edge,
blissfully filled with the unknown.
these small, warm lights 
offering a gentle start...
to another big day.
the small, in my big.


it's a good life, in these moments.
in trying to understand myself,
while understanding my kids.
in trying to create a life for my family,
while making sure there is play-dough and paint.
in trying to breath,
while having my breath taken away.
such a lucky life.
it's a good life.