Boring Again!!

Ok - this is a short entry but I have to write all this down...if only to process this day. The morning began with grief and distress. Ella has been waiting WEEKS! to go on a play date somewhere OTHER than home. I realize after the 60 minute bout of wailing that Ella is bored. She's bored with this house. She's bored with her siblings. And damn, I'm pretty confident she's bored with me. Perhaps her recent talks about our 'old, boring' house should have clued me in to the fact that she's ready to move on. Move on to bigger and better things. Move on to having play dates AWAY from home. Move on to enjoying all the things that come with being somewhere else - the different toys, the different food, the different rules, the different cool & exciting mom. I'm hoping she'll realize that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I'm hoping that she'll return to enjoying her family, return to playing with her toys without the sullen, sulking attitude of recent days. I thought I had years before this attitude, before these talks, before my need to send her off to a far corner of the house so that I can hear myself thing. She's not even five yet. What will 14 look like...it'll be blurry because I'm sure to be drunk. :)

Along with Ella - she's one of four you know - we have Calum who decided early today that he wanted to see how close I could come to insanity. First it was applesauce across the kitchen then it was using his baby sister as a pillow. These are just some added extras to the continuum of life lessons he learns in a day. I love this boy - I just don't understand him sometimes. What I DO understand, is when he comes and tells me he's sorry. He loves me. 'You superhero mommy.' I'll take those as payment for my bill at the ward.

And now, at 4:02pm, we're headed out to the pool. This after an earlier attempt was thwarted by a thunderstorm. And the response to this storm, and my bearing of bad news...'Are you kidding me, Mommy. I'm just going to be BORED AGAIN!'

Welcome Summer...We've been waiting.

Summer. It's here. Almost. Technically we have 5.5 hours until summer 'officially' starts. And by 'official' I mean, school is out. No alarms. No rushed breakfasts...perhaps no breakfasts IN the house. Perhaps many meals in our bathing suits?! No differentiating the days -- is it 'share' day, snack day, singing in the car Tuesday?! Nope - the days will run together like popsicle particles melting on the driveway. Like ice melting in my gin & tonic...which I'm sure to need no later than Wednesday of next week :)

So - our summer plans? Pool in the back yard. We did it up this year. Talked ourselves into an above ground pool that will hold us all! No deeper than the kids standing, but big! Ella & Calum are already excited to swim in the pool AFTER dinner. At night. In the dark. With the fireflies. And my dear husband, who grew up on the water, is endearingly in love with the idea of this pool. He went to the pool store for salt (salt water filter) and came home with a 'disco ball' type gadget that will float, and hang, and spin, and do all sorts of 'disco light' diddies to make our backyard pool into that memory making, drive-our-neighbors-crazy, fun place to be!!

It's actually quite exciting...this idea of summer. Ella and Calum are old enough to really care. Old enough to make some memories. Old enough to know the difference...summer vs. schedule. And I'm old enough NOT to care. I can't wait NOT to care if the kids eat at 9:30am. NOT to care if we have a popsicle at 8am when it's already 85 degrees outside -- hey, it's a fruit serving. I'm excited to watch Calum potty train by sending him into the great outdoors, naked. "Just pee in the grass sweetie...away from people" Oliver and Drew will learn to eat with utensils this summer...because we'll be eating outside, and I WON'T care if they get food from head to toe and all over the floor. I have a hose...

We'll throw our feet up in chairs and let the juice from a watermelon roll down our chins. Watch with curiosity as the drips go from our chins, down our pool-soaked bodies, and drip from our toes. Our skin will be tan. Our laughs will be plenty. Our memories will be great. Adam & I will watch our oldest children learn to swim - learn to dunk their heads - learn to ride a bike w/out training wheels. We'll watch our babies learn to walk. Learn to talk. Learn how to play in this silly family of 6.

Welcome summer - just 5.25 hours to go now! P.S. the Rubbermaid container used as a pool in this picture does not accurately reflect our current aquatic equipment. Pictures to come! :)

And So It Goes

I think the best way to use this blog is just to list each of the crazies of my day. Don't get me wrong, I use 'crazies' in the most endearing, can't-live-without-it, must-have-more, way. And as much as I'd love to sit down and blog every day, I never find the time. Or make the time.

So Calum seems to be learning the differences between girls & boys. No people, it's not an anatomy issue for him, but it does seem to boil down to cooties. He was very upset the other day after learning a 'goa-rl' (girl) rode in his seat in the van. And this is how it was conveyed to me...'Goa-rls no sit in me seat. Me seat dirty, like me. Goa-rls no like. Goa-rls ucky mommy.' Well, ok. Where do I go from there? And this was on top of our earlier conversation that went something like this...'Goa-rls are not cool, mommy. Goa-rls are pretty. Boys are handsome.' Hmm - ok son. It took all I had not to say, but girls are smart and will take your job someday, then you'll marry one and she'll create a living being inside her body while you mow the grass. And then she'll birth this baby while you try NOT to pass out on the floor. And perhaps she'll breastfeed and nurture this baby alive while you wash the car.... But I just finished his diaper, helped him up, and kissed him. What are you going to do, right?

Moving on to Ella - oh dear. What do I say about Ella. There is something new for her almost every day. She is so much fun to be around these days - seriously. Her words, concepts, 'jokes', they crack me up...and are starting to remind me of my youth -- though I can't EVER imagine challenging my parents in her way!

One major theme of late is this idea that clothes make us 'pretty.' 'But mommy, this looks silly. It's not pretty.' Ok - how does a mother help her daughter get the 'bigger picture' when this same mother feels the exact way?! When I'm really on my game & feeling good - ready to meet Ella & all her emotions - I can come up with something of this sort, 'Oh honey. I know exactly how you feel. But I've learned that clothes (& shoes) are just clothes & shoes. They DO give us confidence but they don't make us pretty or ugly. Your laugh makes you pretty. And your kind behaviors.' -- enter vomit! HA! I might actually say that once out of the 1,542,859,427 times she throws the pretty/ugly card into our day. Most of the times I hear echos of my past, 'Shut your mouth. Perhaps it's your piss-poor attitude that's making you ugly. Your clothes are fine.' --- and after having four kids & forgiving my mother (wink) I find this response to be quite valid...a little harsh, but valid. Thankfully, these words have only been said/screamed in my head. And honestly, Ella is probably much like a dog...she hears, 'blah blah blah blah, you're pretty honey, blah blah blah blah blah.' And the circle of life continues.

My babies - phew! Are these two a crazy pair or what. My sweet surprises! They both are crawling everywhere and although Oliver started an easy two months behind Drew, he's very specific and practiced in his movements. They'll both see something and head for it quickly, but usually Drew's brain is moving too fast for her body and she slips onto her belly and falls behind Oliver. He's calculated in his thought. She's just, 'I'll jump first, there's water in there right?!' I could have some trouble with her :) It is quite amazing though. Typically with babies around a year, if you set two of them together they may play next to one another but not actually interact. This is the beauty of twins -- they DO! They interact, they play, they fight, they talk, make each other laugh. It's glorious - and a real honor to watch.
A year later, Adam and I still have moments when we shake our heads...as if trying to shake something loose :) ... take a deep breath and say, 'four. we have four.' Our lives are certainly not exactly what we thought they'd be but seriously, who could ask for anything more.

February 1

Today starts a new month! The first day of the second month...of year five being a mother. Phew. Makes me want to go back to sleep.... :) On the other hand, I'm sorda lonely here in the early morning with just my thoughts. Sometimes the voices in my head are louder than the kids. At least the kids give me some direction. My 'head-echoes' are often frantic and disorganized.

We have a very busy day today. Leaving the house by 8 (hopefully) to make our way down to Loudoun for a kid 'drop-off' & then on to an important appointment for C. We have to check on his ITP. Hope everything goes as planned and I remember all my questions. What should I be asking? How firm should I be? They know very little about ITP - ugh. Makes for difficult decisions.

So - today I will try to live in my brain -- be pragmatic, with a hint of heart. If I lead with my emotions today I'm sure to forget something. So - today is a day of thought. Clear, direct, problem-solving thought. I'll try not to yell. I'll give the kids clear expectations of appropriate behavior at Grammie's (last time they sort of destroyed the house.) I wouldn't accept that behavior at home, why do I find it ok there?? Probably because I can 'check-out' at her house. She gives them rules (or not) and puts on her grammie hat. I get to take those long overdue breaks on the couch and read a quick article in People. Oh how I love reading those quick stories.

I'll close for now. 90 minutes or so before I need all four, plus the dog, loaded in the van and headed down the road. I don't need to do much - grammie is providing breakfast and entertainment - but if the kids wake up during these lovely few minutes of inner thought, I'm sure to be discombobulated. Is that even a word?