Breath Deep and Be Not Afraid

I can always lean into those HUGE questions - life questions, purpose questions, spirit questions - when I am surrounded by Nature.

Almost as if Mother Nature is holding me while my heart and mind break open, seeking some clarity, reassurance, beauty, and peace.
 
I really don't have the vocabulary needed to accurately describe the sense of freedom, and calm, and confidence, that I gathered yesterday. 

And, in truth, I didn't even know I was needing such calm and confidence.

But walking along the gravel paths that meander through our State's Arboretum, the flood of peace and contentment rushed forward. 

I did alot of deep breathing.

I went quiet.

And I, without apology, took pictures.


The best I can do is share the experience through these...

This wheat grass made me pause - its golden hue up again the blue sky.

When I turned to see this tree, all I could hear was this:

'How can you be afraid, when you are surrounded by this. This beauty. This rhythm. This life.' 

I'm still debating if this was the voice of my mind, or my soul.

And in these moments, he granted me a sweet little kiss - documented. Our rough edges being weathered by our years together.


 

The Good Life 7.3.2013

the good life is about being grateful

  being present in the little things

remembering to breathe

seeing joy

it's firework season. explosions and fire usually drive me inside, 
along with the dog.
to temper the anxiety-ridden explosions, i'm listening to soul-fueling music.
and writing. and dreaming. and believing that i have it good. 
really, really good.



 'with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair'
we just returned from a week at the beach. 
a week of sun. 
a week of us.
a week of raw foods for dinner.
a week of peeling skin,
and dreams thought up on the beach.
six days of holes.
six days of running across hot sand, 
while precariously holding beach chairs, an umbrella, towels, shovels, 
and the child too tired to make it home, across that hot sand.
a week of using our stomachs, and the sun, as indication of hunger, and time.
a week together. 
a week apart.
a week of exploration.
a week to watch these children fall in love,
as i did so many years ago, 
and again during this week away.
away, yet deeply connected. 
connected to the smallness of life.
the largeness of nature.
the pattern of the waves.
the pull of the moon.
the beating of their graceful hearts.
 and the flowers in their hair.

 

 'lend me your eyes I can change what you see'

perspective.

it's a valuable thing.

perspective and trust,

now THAT'S a powerful partnership.

belief that i can have a life of joy, 

and time, and peace, and goodness.

a life seen not through rose-colored glasses,

but through a quiet mind,

a connected heart,

and a centered soul.

we can have it all,

even in the mess.

it's before us to hold.

we just have to see it.

and believe it.

  

'have no fear for giving in, have no fear for giving over'

 i can't help but go breathless at the sunrise.

i used to yearn for the sun to rise.

after a long night of nursing,

or teething,

or eczema,

or night-terrors,

or the standard host of needs in the night,

of my little people.

vacation allows for rest, 

even for the grown-ups.

i only woke for one sunrise during the vacation.

part of me was disappointed.

i crave a beach sunrise.

but in the end, 

i gave in to rest.

i gave over to indulgence.

this rise was offered on our last day. 

i was feeling well-rested by then,

and enjoyed indulging in its beauty,

its peace,its patience,

its slow, yet deliberate, pace.

the generosity of the sunrise,

always returning,

morning to morning,

in its splendor.

giving...to those who take the time to receive.

 'for it's only one life that we've got, and ain't it enough'

this is what i love about life.

the daily reminders that this is it.

the passing of hours,

the flipping of calendars,

the inches of our children, marking up the wall.

we do not get these days back.

it's today. this hour. this minute. this breath.

fill it will intention.

embrace it with abandon.

love it with fierce.

trust in it with wholeness.

and live it with spirit.

it's only one life that we've got.

it's a good life in all the middle moments...

between the sand in your underwear and those tender, sun-burned spots.

between the overnight hauls down the interstate, and

the stale coffee from the truck-stop.

the good life lives in those moments in-between -

'we're here! we made it to the beach!'

and

'oh my word, mommy. THAT is the most beautiful sight i've ever seen.'

it's a good life.

The Good Life 6.19.13

the good life is about being grateful

  being present in the little things

remembering to breathe

seeing joy

stomach flu

 i've always been terrified of the flu.

that image from Stand By Me 

(when everyone is puking after the pie eating contest,)

this is the image that comes to mind.

four kids.

four buckets.

spewing stomach content. 

blech.

and then me, getting the pukes.

i'm breaking into a cold sweat just thinking about it.

we got the stomach flu this year. 

four kids.

FOUR WEEKS.

it was a long month.

but in the mess, i gained some confidence.

i have a pretty good routine down,

and it involves a shit-ton of Clorox.

(graphic lower GI pun intended.)

Drew

Calum

confidence

it's a dance, of sorts.

nurturing the confidence of children,

while getting out of their way.

i believe children are inherently confident,

clouded only by the fear of adults.

she wanted to make an apron for her doll.

 i'm so proud of myself for not getting in her way.

grateful for the awareness, in the moment, to quiet my need for:

order,

a plan,

agreement,

and a clean floor.

she wanted to make an apron for her doll. 

so, she did.

 breathless leaps of faith

if you're lucky, you've experienced these.

most of mine have come on the heels of my children,

but there are a few that came before.

that moment when i'm infinitely aware that i am terrified,

yet life is happening and it is GOOD! 

that moment when all i can do is watch, and breath. 

i am still.

i am quiet.

i am frozen in thought.

i am alive.

i am engaged.

and in the fear, comes the brave. 

because sometimes, being still and present is the bravest thing i can do.

Calum

Ella

thirteen years

it's been thirteen years since:

our marriage-celebrant dropped the f-bomb during our vows, while

we stood by a pond brimming with turtles, as

it rained a soft, gentle Spring storm, and

we drove off for the next 13 years.

it's been 13 years of growing, and

laughing, and

loving, and 

learning, and

creating a life that serves us both, so

we can serve our children.

it's a good life in all the middle moments...

between the vomits and the cleaning-up.

between the overnight hauls when someone is hurting, and

the coffee on the front porch while it rains, before the house starts to stir.

and the drifting weeks in between when i'm yearning to write but 

life has a different priority.

the good life lives in those moments between -

'i'm sorry you didn't get any sleep last night mommy...'

and

'that's ok, love. i'd rather spend the night holding you...'

it's a good life.

#fridayfaves 3.2.13

friday is about being grateful

  being present in the little things

remembering to breathe

seeing joy

A little birdy told me it isn't Friday anymore

a day late, a dollar shorter...

a day longer, a life fuller.

as i write this tonight, i am in such a place of peace and gratitude. 

my children are happy, warm, fed, and comfortable.

my belly is full, as is my spirit.

what's wonderful is this...i'm pretty sure there were some hairy moments this week.

i'm confident that someone went to bed without their hair brushed.

i'm positive i yelled at the wrong time. i'm also positive that karma returned that behavior with dozen eggs broken on the ground.

but tonight...i really don't remember much of anything.

i remember today. 

and if today is my last day to remember, it was a good day.

for today is all that really matters. 

but if tomorrow comes, my focus will turn to it - like my face turning to the sunrise.

a day longer, a life fuller.

many come to a place of gratitude through hardship,

while others find their way to gratitude through the wealth of life.

the hardships in my life have been few. 

i do believe my life is rich.

don't ask me for any money; i have little.

ask me for joy; it's in abundance over here.   

this is an amazing video - please take a moment to watch. 

Gratitude HD - Moving Art™ 

 A Moving Art original short. 

Spend THIS day well. 

  

 

            

#fridayfaves 2.15.13

friday is about being grateful

  being present in the little things

remembering to breathe

seeing joy

it's overcast this afternoon after a morning of sun and mild'ish temps.
mother nature is easing out of winter, showing some interest in Spring...
this afternoon, though, calls for stove-top popped corn, 
leftover valentine cookies, 
a blanket 'bombed' family room,
hot coffee and hot chocolate. 
a snuggly & warm end to a
snuggly & warm week.

in motion
this child has determination.
this child has strength.
this child has limited fear when it comes to her physical abilities.
this child can flip, and flip back, and flip again.
this child does this in the grocery aisles 
(which requires this mother to plan shopping trips during off-peak hours.)
this child. 
 this one.    

      
thawing
these children can smell a thaw.
and on this day, it was warm.
the ground was wet, but warm.
shoes were off. socks were lost. 
they sat on their respective towels and dreamed of summer.
they planned the pool lay-out.
they discussed fire-flies, bats, frogs and eating dinner outside.
we had Spring for six hours, on this day,
and these kids LIVED every minute of it. 

soundtrack
true statement - i don't actually 'remember' anything about this song.
why is it making my list?
here's why -
i'm all about family...

there are some 'brothers' in this family...

and if i drank, i'd drink moonshine.

that's all i can really say, since i don't really remember this song.

but...for whatever reason,

on this day,

at 1:34 in the afternoon,

i stopped,

walked to the ipad, 

and took a screen shot.

it must have been good.

my own secret
i can't quite articulate why i find this picture so telling.
i'll try. here goes -
i love that they took twister outside to play.
i love that my oldest is in the middle - like she is the center of the universe, with an audience.
i love that my youngest boy is in his pj's still, and bare-footed.
i love that my youngest girl has a handled cup - holding it as if it's coffee.
and you may not be able to tell,
but i'm pretty sure the coffee-drinker is running the show.
it's just how it is around here.
the secrets that a mother knows, 
by just a random picture.
i may just be the luckiest person ever, to know these people.
luckiest. ever. 

touching the sky
here's this child. again.
upside down.
about to launch.
barefooted.
brave.
upside down.
trusting.
about to launch.
for the record,
she did a running front-flip,
landed on her feet,
with a smile on her face,
to the cheers of her people.
and the relief of her mother.
this child has launched.